Was Already Ready For the Expected

"Be ready for the unexpected" they say. But just as I've stated from my previous post,

"I have become so observant to situations and small anomalies in everyday life or in events that my mind quickly goes into examination, micromanagement, diagnosis and future predicitional mode resulting my mind to calculate into a red alert, or the all clear.

And when it came to our little merry band of a cosplay group I knew that a "red alert" was coming, that in some way or another and in time I knew that it would deteriorate right from the beginning when I first met them. First to be clear I personally have had no quarrels or problems with any of the people that I first met at Megacon of 2016(I do have problems with a few that came after which Ill probably talk about in the near future). The year at Megacon 2016 was to me and for many of them the best year together and cosplaying. I've never had such a good time cosplaying before meeting them that year. But I knew on that day when I said goodbye to them that it was going to be difficult to repeat that one day. The pressure was already on when we all agreed to do another group cosplay together. With such a great success most of us wanted to do something even better the next time around, some wanted to do a particular group cosplay from one anime and others from another anime, while others wanted to do something better yet didn't have the ability to make the cosplay armor or suits of their idea and interest, which all these....became a problem. These were signs that I was not unfamiliar with, due to the many groups, clubs, organizations that I have made or was a part of in the past. So many of those quickly became successful, popular and just great in a short amount of time, but ultimately makings it downhill momentum and failure after its peaking and mountain top moment. It was an unfortunate virus and just bad luck that the group became exposed to.

And so over the past few years I've seen each friend within the group, separating themselves few at a time from the pack due to pursuing other things in life, stress in life, disagreements within the group, pressure of cosplaying or just finished with cosplaying overall. Now after two and a half years with them our group has literally become just myself, Taylor and Jenni. Honestly after hearing that the stress and tension of cosplaying took a bit of a toll on those two that I became a bit discouraged and guilty cosplaying as a group with them. So I can truly say that I am the last one of the group that have begun the process of giving up on group cosplaying. Taylor and Jenni just means so much to me and the last thing I want is for something bad to happen between them over...."Cosplaying". So after much thinking after Megacon 2018 and over this past summer I knew that it was my turn to step back from group cosplaying with them. 

But with no surprise today Jenni messages me with bad news. They didn't break up or anything, but nevertheless it was still heartbreaking news. And I don't blame them at all. Cause I was already ready for it. Its just unfortunate because Jenni and Taylor have worked so so hard each year, because of their dream and pursuit of becoming something great together in the cosplay community that I really did cheer for for their success. I believed that having a solid, dependable group would've been a good help these past few years for them reaching that goal. But unfortunately over time...all of us have failed them on that front. It was never my ambition or goal to reach what they were reaching for, I just wanted to follow them and have a good time. And if I could help with their goals by being that third person in group cosplaying then I wanted to. I continued to believe if us three kept going together as the remaining people of that original group something grand would still occur for them and my enjoyment of cosplaying would remain. But sadly....there was a moment of impasse when last I spoke with Taylor over the planning of Katsucon 2019 which I have talked about from my previous post "Katsucon Problem." So as of today it feels like the "expected" have finally arrived. 

Now Jenni is still continuing her journey in cosplaying and did generally offer me tonight to keep going with her if I wanted to but I think its a bit too late for me now. Hopefully time will heal and give mental rest for all of us. That possibly one day we can finally all come together again and get that one day back from a few years ago.