Missing Them

Silence, absolute silence.

No more "Uncle Paul," "Uncle Danny," "I see youuuuuu," "I DONT WANT TO BATH," "DISNEY DISNEY DISNEY," "Moooommy" "Grandma, Grandpa," "Uncle Paul I want to tell you a secret" echoing in the halls and rooms of my home, but within the empty space of my mind and heart.

I still see Ella on my living room coffee table, drawing and coloring on a fresh new paper just to add to the countless drafts of art already blanketing the glass table. 

I still see Lucas jumping on my couch as if they were trampolines for his amusement and all the while leaving a trail of his drool and spilled drink all over the place to be dried and crusted. Then only after a few minutes later his craziness being tamed by the magnetic hypnotism of the TV. 

I still see the calmness and coolness of Ben형. Either sitting silently with his thoughts, or picking up my old guitar and strumming a tune. His energy always bringing this easiness and peace in a household only familiar with hecticness, stress, and anxiety. He definitely reminds me of Brand.

I still see the same Esther that I've always known ever since I was young. A cousin who was more like an older "sister" that always took care of me, loved me, been there for me, and many times took me away when things became violent and chaotic in my family. I felt safe again and comforted as she was here. And for all that she has done for me I felt so honored, privileged, and extremely happy to return that favor even if it was for just a week. I owe her so much. 

Now I dont see any of them, except in the new created memory in mind and heart. I miss them. I really miss them.